YUP! Beat it! 

                             YUP! Beat it! 

I am always amazed at the uncanny ability of the male species to always pop back up just when you are moving on with someone else in your life. You are spending time with your new guy, laughing at his jokes, flirting uncontrollably, gushing about him to your friends, holed up in his apartment – then BAM! All of a sudden, here come the ghosts of boyfriends past (I like this phrase don’t I, LOL!).

Like clockwork you start to receive random telegraphs, text messages, morse code signals, phone calls, tweets, FB messages, and smoke signals from an ex. Every single time the possibility exists that you might be happy with the next dude, ex boyfriends, boos, ex fuck buddies --or whatever-- start falling out the sky, bringing with them profound confessions of love and admiration for you.  EXCUSE ME SIR, PLEASE GO THAT WAY! =======>Yes, all the way over there!

I want to know how do they know that you are happy with someone else. I really want/need to know this because the timing of the reappearance of ex boyfriends, boos, fuck buddies or whatever -- is more accurately timed than Bin Laden’s killing. The most frustrating thing about this is that now they reveal all of the things you wanted them to say before your relationship ended. Now they can fully express themselves and want you back in their lives. 

It is my theory (and I really believe it to be true) that when you engage in physical contact with men they implant a homing device in you, and that when there is a “threat” that may compromise their position with their “girl” it triggers an alarm. When the alarm is activated, it then transmits radio waves or some other form of alert that simply states “DANGER: PUSSY ON THE MOVE.”

Stop laughing and think about it. It makes logical sense. Men have a small window of opportunity to resurface in this woman’s life before the deed to the pussy is transferred to the new guy. So the random telegraph, text message, Morse code signal, phone call, tweet, FB message, or smoke signal is their last ditch effort to claim stake as a joint tenant of the pussy. Makes sense don’t it?!

This is one of life’s great mysteries. How can men sense they have lost their pussy privileges? The world may never know.

AB

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