The time has come for singles everywhere who are looking for a winter boo thang to start scouting because it’s almost CUFFIN SEASON: the time of year when there are only a few more weeks left of summer, and those looking to have a bedmate for the winter months start to get to work!
It’s that time of year. You know—the time of year when it’s not hot outside anymore and all the skeezers start putting most of their clothes back on. It’s the time of the year we call ‘Cuffin Season’. Men and women, young and old, begin to search for that partner that will keep their time occupied during the cold nights when they are not trying to go out to the club and pick up jawns. The days of cookouts, rooftop parties at the W, and sporadic trips to Miami are now coming to an end. It is time to prep yourself for when jump-offs turn to boo’s and baby making season begins. Even the most independent man or woman might participate in Cuffin Season. It just takes hold of you and causes you to make some very rash, impromptu decisions that the summer time heat would have kept you from making.
It all stems from a single premise---black people hate the cold. Ninety-five percent of negroes only go on ski trips to get drunk and smash. So when it starts to get cold, ninjas look for a snuggle buddy to get them through the colder months. I can relate because in the past, I have spent a few summers prepping for the winter months in this same manner.
Winter is when the thirstiest of jawns come out of the woodwork because they’ve been left out of the summer lineups. You see, most ninjas build up their clientele in the summer months, to see which jawn will give them the most financial and sexual perks in the winter months. And this is men and women alike. Let’s not forget, Cuffin Season does encompass some gift giving holidays. Cold weather can make the worst negro seem like the hottest thing on the block--as long as they got something to give you under the sheets or under the tree.
Nevertheless, please remember, all these young men and women you will call your Boo over the next few months will probably not be around for the summer of 2017. These seasons are in constant rotation. So when it’s cold and you are sitting up under those sheets, make sure to remember that this may not be permanent. I am tired of seeing all these Bebe’s kids get created from Cuffin Season cave sex. Just ‘cause its cold and he or she says they loves you---doesn’t mean that it’s time to procreate. Take joy in the warm bodies during the months of coldness, but people let’s be smart. Wrap it up and remember that the summer will be here soon enough. Before you know it, you will be back in Miami, or at Kappa or Que conclave picking up the next round of jump-offs.
As much as I don’t want to, it is almost time to say ‘adios’ to summer 2016 and usher in the next season. No, no! Not fall, but Cuffin Season! That’s right ladies and gents, the time of year is coming where people are on the prowl to see which man and/or woman will make their way out of the hot dog line from the cookout to the satin sheets of their beds.
Within the next few weeks, you’ll notice that most singles begin to look for a “special” someone who will help take of the chill off winter!!! I personally have a lot of single friends out there, who are starting the official hunt for Cuffin Season. I feel like it is my duty to help us single ladies out with a few tips on picking a suitable winter boo. It is imperative not to lose sight of some important factors that will come in handy during those cold winter months.
1. He Ain’t Ya Man! -- Ladies, if your interaction with this person will occur mainly between Labor Day and let’s say….around President’s Day--maybe even St. Patrick’s day--then he isn’t your man. He’s just a fuck buddy.
2. He Must Have Good D*ck Game – This is a must ladies! The dick must be tested prior to the unofficial start of Cuffin Season. This still gives you time to find a suitable replacement. I mean, how incredibly wack would it be to wait until October 15th to sleep with your new friend, only to find out that the dick game is WEAK! TRAGEDY! *Nicki Minaj voice* It’s gone be a long winter boo boo!
3. Be Sure He Can Shovel – You are probably reading this like: “Shovel, A? Really?” Trust me, it makes sense. In Bmore last year, we had some significant inches -- not in the bedroom either. Let’s just say that if you invite your new piece over before the storm, you have someone to shovel the snow -- because he has to be able to get himself out in order to go home. Am I right or am I right?
4. Keep Ya Purse in Ya Sight – Don’t laugh! You think that because you invite this person into your home to have sex with you that he won’t steal from you! WRONG WRONG! Ladies, the Maryland Judiciary Case Search site (or your respective state’s court search, and this page should be bookmarked if you are dating) is your best friend, check them out before you invite them into your home. Identity theft, stolen wallets, and missing debit cards are not cool around the Holiday time!
Hopefully these tips get you off to the right start in your selection process. If you have more tips for those in the hunt, leave a comment. In the meantime, still flirt; drop it like it’s hot at every all white party, rooftop party, or cookout you attend. Happy Hunting!!!!!!!